Wednesday 24 June 2009

Roller Coaster

On the radio this morning, someone said "If you are always happy, how will you know when you're not?"  Yesterday was one of those times when we knew we were not.  

It should have been a good day - bright sunshine, blue sky and an almost spontaneous decision to go to the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition in London. Although it started well, Steve had a coughing fit on the underground probably triggered by being up close to someone wearing perfume or carrying something on their clothes which his lungs didn't like.  Same again walking along Piccadilly, which was heavily congested.  It really brought home to us how difficult it must be to live with asthma all the time.  Frustrating search for chairs/table at lunchtime - why do people hang about for so long after they have finished their meals, when they can see others clutching a tray of food desperately looking for somewhere to sit down and eat?

To avoid a long wait at Paddington, we caught the stopping train home.  Not a good idea without a good book or newspaper - too may opportunities for gloomy thoughts to creep into the mind, without any such distractions.  By the time we got home, both of us felt rather tired and emotional.  To makes matters worse, there was no letter or message on the answerphone from the hospital with appointment dates for treatment, without which our plans to do nice things are still on hold - we're back in limbo again.  

Steve said he felt he was slipping out of "fighting back" into "resignation" mode.  I found myself thinking "This is as good as it gets - things won't get better, it can only go downhill - what is there to look forward to?"  Martin, if you read this, you'll understand why I didn't feel much like chatting when you rang.  I'm so sorry.  We really do appreciate and need our friends to be there for us.  Thanks for getting in touch - we'll talk again soon, when the emotional roller coaster goes back up.

Thanks also to all out other friends who have sent messages of love, support and best wishes.  It really really does help - even though it feels a bit overwhelming to be on the receiving end of so much goodwill and positive thinking.  

And of course, as you would expect, thing's don't look nearly so bad this morning. Although we're not on our way to Turkey as hoped, the sun has come to us instead.  The travel insurance company has got back to us and the GP is happy to complete the medical declaration.  All being well, we'll recover the cost of canceling the holiday.  

Ruth, the "haven" in Vietnam sounds very inviting - perhaps when we know more about the timing of Steve's treatment programme, we'll be able to arrange a visit, just one of MANY things to look forward to - how wrong I was yesterday.

We hope to see some of you at Edith's retirement celebration tomorrow, others at Ludo's 60th birthday party and yet more at Roger and Stella's lunch in the garden later in July.  We'll pick up on invitations to see other friends (and Sue's chickens) just as soon as we have hospital dates to work around.  

The sun is still shining.  Murray hasn't been knocked out of Wimbledon.  Although not in the eastern Med as planned, I am still "on holiday" from work and Steve is back to "normal" after yesterday's blip.  Time to get on and enjoy life again.

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