Some questions answered and more raised…

 Rather than sit around waiting for things to happen, I took the initiative and contacted three cancer charities hoping to get answers to questions which are still nagging me.  Bowel Cancer UK was the first to reply… so now I’m not only a bit older but a bit wiser too!  I also talked to my cancer care nurse on 13 June and she filled in some more blanks.  We can bring the GP up to date when we meet her the following day. 

Cancer Pathway waiting times

My first query was the date on which waiting times for diagnosis and first treatment are based, using the UK Cancer Pathway waiting times.   

In theory, its the date on which the GP refers a patient to hospital under the faster diagnosis 2 week wait (2WW) referral.  However, my GP didn’t refer me to hospital straight away, but to a community endoscopy clinic for a colonoscopy to check for cancer, after becoming concerned about my blood test results (low haemoglobin and high platelets).  That happened on 30 March 2023.  

I was eventually referred to hospital not by my GP, but by the endoscopy doctor when she received the results of a subsequent CT scan which showed a “mass” which the colonoscopy camera had been unable to reach due to a narrowing of the colon (a “benign constriction” according to the report).  That referral didn’t happen until 19 May 2023.  

The cancer pathway is 31 days (approximately one month) from first referral to diagnosis, and 62 days (about 2 months) from first referral to start of treatment.  The 7 week/50 day difference between the two referral dates is therefore significant in the context of the cancer pathway. 

Bowel Cancer UK confirmed the start date for calculating diagnosis and treatment waiting times should be 30 March. Based on that date, I’m already way behind the Cancer Pathway diagnosis and treatment waiting times.  This has fuelled my anxiety, not surprisingly.   

It seems that my cancer pathway from 30 March went missing somewhere between the InHealth Endoscopy Clinic and the hospital.  The GP might like to follow this up.

Delays carrying out the colonoscopy

My second query related to the delay in carrying out the colonoscopy first requested in early March.  The service provider InHealth said they couldn’t do the procedure because NICE (National Institute of Clinical Excellence) guidelines advised waiting until 6 weeks after a course of antibiotics had finished.  As a result my first appointment was pout back from 3rd to 26th April, and the subsequent fast track appointment on 13 April put back to 2 May. 

Bowel Cancer UK was unaware of any NICE guidelines but confirmed it was good practice not to carry out a colonoscopy until 6 weeks after an acute bout of diverticulitis to enable the bowel to recover and reduce the risk of damage and pain. So…the right decision for the wrong reason.  At least I know now…

Chemo before and/or after surgery?

I know that surgery will be the key to dealing with my cancer, but wasn’t sure whether chemo would be required before or after.  Bowel Cancer UK confirmed my understanding that chemo not usually required before surgery for my current staging of cancer.  Whether I need it after will depend on the pathology of the removed cancer and lymph nodes, and other factors that can only be determined once removed, such as biological and genetic make up of the tumour.  That makes sense to me. 

Is the delay to treatment significant in terms of prognosis?

I have been getting very stressed that the cancer might have grown through the bowel wall and started spreading by the time I have treatment.  That’s always a possibility.  However, Bowel Cancer UK pointed out that bowel cancers are often present 2-3 years before they are discovered, so the waiting time I have experienced may not be significant in this context.

Is a biopsy essential before treatment when you know surgery is necessary? 

Bowel Cancer UK pointed out that bowel surgery is a big operation and the colorectal specialist teams will will require a biopsy to confirm cancer before operating.  

My cancer care nurse explained further…the mass looks like a cancer tumour on the scan, but there is a very, very remote possibility that it might be an inflamed stricture rather than a malignant growth.  Unlikely, but remotely possible.  They can only rule this out if samples are extracted for testing.  While surgery would be necessary in both scenarios, if it’s not cancer, then they would not remove the lymph nodes as well. Now this makes sense of the advice given before that they do not want to “under or over treat”.  

If the colonoscopy camera couldn’t get beyond the stricture last time, what hope now?

This has been worrying me…but my cancer nurse tells me that in hospital they have paediatric colonoscopy cameras used to examine the bowels of children which are much smaller.  If necessary, one of these could be used to get beyond my stricture.  They will stop the procedure if it becomes unsafe to carry on.  If there is a problem caused by pushing through a very small gap, then I’m in hospital where they will be able to deal with it quickly in an emergency, unlike the endoscopy clinic which is attached to a small community hospital where such facilities and expertise may not be readily available. That would explain why the doctor who did my colonoscopy was reluctant to push through the constriction in case of an emergency…

What happens when I see the consultant on 22 June?

Even if the biopsy results are not ready, they can look at any pictures taken at the colonoscopy and tell from those images if they are dealing with cancer or something else.  We will probably discuss surgery; likely to be keyhole (laparoscopic) surgery.  They have an enhanced recovery programme after surgery (ERAS) and aim to get people moving soon after the operation.  My cancer nurse couldn’t say for sure, but it seems likely that treatment i.e. surgery will happen some time in July.  At last, a draft timeline! 

Back to life, back to reality…and it goes on, and on and on…

 No news then a gobbleydegook letter

I arrived back home after my InterRail trip to Scandinavia on Saturday, 27 May, half expecting a letter or message confirming a second scan appointment to check whether any sign of cancer spreading to upper body, as indicated by both the doctor who gave me the bad news and the specialist cancer nurse who contacted me afterwards.  Nothing.  

I waited until after the Bank Holiday on the following Monday, thinking there might be something in the post the next day. There was, but it wasn’t very helpful or user friendly: 

What do you make of that?  Apart from being gobbledegook, the bit that really worried me was the request not to do anything until 14 July if I hadn’t heard from them.  Do they really expect people with a cancer diagnosis to wait 8 weeks before following up an appointment?  

Talking sense with the GP

At that point (and remembering the nonsensical phone call I had in Oslo about where I wanted to be treated) I decided to contact my GP.  We talked things through on the phone the next day, 31 May.  She hadn’t seen the CT scan report (just had a message from InHealth to say the scan had shown a “mass”) so she was none the wiser than me about its size, location etc.  

She thought that the two colonoscopy referrals (one standard, then a fast track one) had confused the system.  The original one had not caught up with the subsequent fast track referral. The letter above was wrong regarding waiting time to follow up; ignore it.  She would follow up with the hospital to check that all the referrals are in the right place.  Although the cancer specialist nurses were best placed to advise if I needed more information, but she’d be happy to talk things through. We arranged an appointment in the surgery for a couple of weeks time. 

Cancer care nurse call back - more information

Later that day, there was a call back from the cancer specialist nurses.  My case was due to be considered by the Multi Disciplinary Team (MDT) on Monday 5 June.  According to the scan report, I have a 3cm mass in the left descending colon which looks like cancer, but there’s no biopsy to confirm.  The MDT may want another colonoscopy to try again to get biopsy (the first colonoscopy camera couldn’t get beyond a benign stricture - narrowing of the colon - to see or take samples of the mass).  No sign on the scan that it’s spread to lymph nodes or other organs.  No need for another scan - the ones I had before show the upper body as well as the abdomen.  All good on that front.

In technical terms, the mass is T (tumour) 3 - out of a possible score of 4 so quite large - M (metastasis) 0 and N (lymph nodes) 0.  In old money, stage 2 i.e. growing but not yet spread.  

The MDT will decide if it’s suitable for surgery; they may go straight to surgery or it may take longer if chemo thought necessary (unlikely).  She will get back to me with news next week. 

The MDT meeting 5 May

I was hoping to hear from the MDT meeting on 5 May that I’d go straight to surgery.  The sooner this tumour is removed the better, as far as I’m concerned.  The longer it’s in there, the larger it gets and the greater the risk that it will grow through the bowel wall and start spreading. That would NOT be good for the NHS or for me.  

My hopes were dashed when the nurse called back.  The MDT has decided that a proper biopsy is needed, and that it’s worth trying again, even though last time the camera and biopsy instrument couldn’t get beyond a benign stricture to reach the mass.  My heart sank…at the thought of another colonoscopy and all that entails (low residue diet, bowel prep, purging and fasting, and the inevitable sore bottom); with fear that trying to push a camera through a space too tight to get though first time round would be painful and risk perforating the bowel, and last but not least, at the additional time this would add to the delays I’d already experienced with diagnosis and treatment since the 14 day fast track referral back on 30 March.  Still no end in sight…

I was told that Endoscopy would call to arrange an appointment, and that I was still on track on the fast track referral pathway. 

Trying to get things back on track

Having taken time to digest all this, it seemed to me that the hospital was not aware that my GP had put me on the fast track 14 day referral back on 30 March, and I was already way off the cancer care pathway timescales for diagnosis and treatment.  This delay would only make matters worse, and with it the increased risk of the cancer growing and spreading.  I emailed the specialist cancer nurses on 6 June to express my concerns and anxiety.  

Appointments for colonoscopy and to see a consultant

Later that same day, radiology called to fix the next colonoscopy appointment.  It will take place on 15 June at a hospital in Banbury rather than my own city of Oxford (where waiting times are longer).

My cancer nurse called back too, to let me know that she’d passed on the information in my email to the MDT and now that the colonoscopy appointment is fixed, she will book me into a clinic to see a consultant on 22 June.  At long last, things seem to be moving in the right direction! 

Actually, I’m not sure what will happen at the meeting with the consultant on 22 June.  I hope by then that results of any biopsies taken at the forthcoming colonoscopy will be available and that my case will have gone through the MDT at the preceding Monday meeting on 19 June (or the overflow meeting they sometimes have on Wednesdays).  We shall see… 

Colonoscopy call back

7 June and a call back from the colonoscopy nurse to let me know that the bowel prep had been posted and to talk me through how to take it.  I discussed my fear of pain and how sedation last time round had not made me feel any different. She checked my notes and found I’d only be given a low dose sedation last time (no wonder the experience was on the painful side of uncomfortable).  She promised to document the sedation issue on my notes but advised me to flag it up again on then day.  You bet I will!  

The consultant appointment letter

I’ve since received a letter dated 7 June confirming the appointment with a consultant on 22 June.  It says “should your surgeon decide you need an operation, you may be offered a pre-operative assessment on the same day -please allow extra time for this”  Yes please, I do hope so…Bring it on!!  

Phone calls in Scandinavia

 In the week after hearing the news that I had bowel cancer while in Copenhagen, and before I was back in the UK, there were phone calls…

Telling the family

The first, and most difficult, was the group Whatsapp call on 20 May when I had to break it to my grown up kids.  I was dreading it.  In the event, there was no way of breaking it gently, so I just told them what had happened.  I think they must both have had some inkling about what was coming. Why else would your mum schedule a WhatsApp group call (something she’d never done before) in the middle of a trip abroad?  They were asking the questions I should have asked but was too knocked back to even think of at the time I took the call…I couldn’t answer them, but promised to let them know as soon as I had any more news.  

Call from the cancer nurse

The next call was from one of the cancer nurses on 23 May, making first contact.  I was asked whether I had taken on board and understood what the colonoscopy doctor had told me.  I more or less repeated the discussion and he seemed satisfied that I’d got hold of the right end of the stick. Although he would be on leave when I returned to the UK, everything would carry on in his absence, as discussed before.  The scan would happen the week following my return and my case would be discussed by the MDT the Monday after that.  He said that would be 12 June (which, when thinking about it afterwards seemed strange as if I had a scan the week of the Bank Holiday, the first Monday after that would be 5 June).  Whatever…one of the cancer nurses would call me to let me know the outcome of the MDT discussion.  If only surgery required, they aimed to do that within 62 days - but it could be longer if chemo needed beforehand. 

The 62 day (and 31 day) time frame for treatment

I’ve since found out that he was wrong on the 62 day thing. It’s 62 days from the urgent referral to start of treatment (in my case, 62 days from 30 March i.e. 31 May - now long since gone) or 31 days from the decision to treat and start of treatment.  If the MDT agree a treatment plan on 12 June, I should start treatment by 13 July.  

It worries me that the cancer specialist nurse does not know the timescales they are supposed to be working to!! 

Where to be treated

A couple of days later (25 May), standing in the middle of a public building in Oslo, camera in one hand and phone in the other, there’s another call which is bizarre to say the least. The chap on the other end tells me my referral has changed from colorectal to gastroenterology and asks where do I want to be treated? 

We have a strange going round and round in circles conversation, with me telling him I’ve been diagnosed with bowel cancer and am already in touch with the team at my local hospital in Oxford, and him asking me again where I want to be treated.  I keep telling him that what he’s saying does not make sense in the context of a cancer referral which is already going through the MDT/treatment process at my local hospital, and him repeatedly asking the same question.  

In the end, to shut him up and move on, I ask him what are my options.  He replies, in theory, I can be treated anywhere, but for all practical purposes, it’s the hospital in Oxford that I’m already involved with or another some distance away in Banbury.  I tell him that as I live in Oxford and don’t have a car, I’ll be treated at my local hospital in Oxford.  Only then does he say there’s a long waiting list and I won’t get an appointment until August.  Next year!  

I repeat that what he’s just told me doesn’t make sense in the context of a cancer diagnosis, but that I’ll take it up with my GP when I’m back home.  

Bemused, frustrated, concerned and puzzled, I try to put it out of my mind and go off to enjoy the afternoon with friends I’m meeting up with for the afternoon.  Much more fun!

Digesting the bad news

If you have read my last blog post, you will know that I was given the bad news that I had bowel cancer while I was away from home, on an InterRail trip in Scandinavia.  I was actually in a hotel room in Copenhagen, at the end of a long day’s sightseeing and photography, having walked over 8 miles around various locations (according to Strava) - the seaside, the University area and Orestad - using public transport to travel between these places.  That day was my last chance to explore Copenhagen as I was moving on to Stockholm the following day.  I was thinking about packing and what I was going to do when I arrived in Sweden, so the phone call took me by surprise.

The doctor introduced herself (it was the same doctor who had carried out the partial colonoscopy, and she said she remembered me).  I joked that it might be an expensive call, as I was abroad.  I remember she asked if I was alone and I replied yes, I was traveling solo as I often do.  She went on to say that the results of the CT scan had come through, and it showed a “mass” the other side of the benign constriction which the colonoscopy camera had not been able to pass. She was sorry.  It was cancer.  

She gave me a phone number for the specialist cancer nurses at my local hospital and advised me to contact them if I had any queries.  She would pass my contact details on to them and they would be in touch.  She also advised me that I’d need another CT scan of the upper body.  When I asked whether this was to see if the cancer had spread, she said it was “just routine”.  I told her the date of my planned return to the UK on Saturday, 27 May and asked whether the scanner worked over weekends and Bank Holidays, which were happening immediately after my return.  The answer was yes.  I supposed I assumed that I’d have an appointment waiting for me when I got home, if not before.

I can remember asking what happens now and being told that the scans, colonoscopy report and blood test results would be considered by a multi disciplinary team (MDT) who would decide the best course of action and let me know.  It would probably be surgery, maybe keyhole surgery, possibly with chemo before or after surgery. I recall saying that I wanted to be involved in the decision making.  When asked whether I had any other questions, I said I couldn’t think of anything - I was still processing the news.  Her last words to me were if I couldn’t eat anything or felt sick, just keep taking little sips of water. And that was it.

In truth, I couldn’t quite believe what I’d been told.  My regular cancer screening poo stick test taken in February had come back negative.  After the initial gut episode early in March and post-Covid recovery, I’d felt fine.  Travelled to Italy, Istanbul and now Scandinavia without any problems. All the medics I’d talked to indicated that my symptoms were consistent with diverticulitis.  A cancer diagnosis was the last thing I’d expected.  Oh, shit.

The practical part of my mind swung into action, prompted by the doctors remarks about taking sips of water if I couldn’t eat anything (which sounded serious and more than a remote possibility, otherwise why mention it?).  I phoned my travel insurance provider to tell them what I’d been told, to make sure I was covered in case of a medical emergency (I am, but must tell them the treatment plan when known so they can adjust my cover - and the cost, no doubt - accordingly).  

Then I had to think about how to break it to the (grown up) kids.  Wanting to tell them both at the same time, and feeling unable to wait until I was back in the UK, I set up a WhatsApp group phone call for the following evening, after I’d arrived and settled in at the Stockholm hotel.  They probably guessed that something was up, but I needed to bit more time to digest the news before I talked to them.  

I think I must have finished a bit more packing, double checked train times from Copenhagen to Stockholm, and got ready for bed.  Life would never be quite the same again…

And so it begins again…

To celebrate its 50th birthday, InterRail offered all its rail passes for sale at 50% reduction in the spring of 2022.  The passes could be used at any time up to 11 months from the date of purchase.  The opportunity was too good to pass up, which is why I found myself at the start of 2023, the proud possessor of a “global” i.e. Europe-wide, senior Interrail pass, planning to travel around Europe by rail in the spring, make the most of photo opportunities and reduce my carbon footprint in the process.  

Rather than go away for a whole three months, I organised my travels by groups of countries.  Embracing my inner teenager, I set off on my first trip on a route around Spain in February, finishing in France in early March.  Why am I telling you this?  Well, it’s where and when my other journey started…

Feeling unwell

All went well until our last full day in France.  We arrived in Bordeaux, checked into our hotel and set off to visit the Cite du Vin, looking forward to a glass of wine in the Belvedere and enjoying views over the city.  I began to get abdominal cramps on the way there, and ended up spending most of the time in les toilettes (fashionably painted a dark colour with low level lighting) thinking I had diarrhoea.  It wasn’t until we returned to the hotel and a well lit en suite bathroom that I realised I’d been losing blood rather than poo.  

Looking back, I’m not sure how I managed the journey back to the UK the next day but, somehow, I made home and took myself straight to bed where I stayed for most of the next day.  Feeling no better, the following morning (8 March 2023), I phoned the GP and described my symptoms to the receptionist.  The GP returned my call and after a brief discussion, I was asked to attend the surgery that afternoon.

Suspected diverticulitis 

The doctor listened carefully, examined me, and said my symptoms were consistent with diverticulitis.  I was advised to stop taking a non-steroid anti inflammatory drug (NSAID) which I’d been prescribed to help with chronic back pain caused by damaged lumbar discs, and was put on a 5 day course of antibiotics to clear up any infection.  She also said, she’d refer me for a colonoscopy to confirm the diverticulitis diagnosis and check there was no other reason for the pain/blood loss episode, just in case…

Back at home I collected the prescription, put the NSAID away, and took it easy as I had zero energy.  The diverticulitis diagnosis seemed very plausible.  Indeed, a friend we had met up with for a meal in Montpellier a few days earlier had described his own experience of diverticulitis which sounded similar, so I thought it was a sad but almost inevitable consequence of getting old, exacerbated by long term use of a NSAID known to cause internal bleeding.  

Colonoscopy appointment(s) 

By the end of the week the pain had stopped, likewise the bleeding, but I still felt absolutely wiped out in terms of energy.  However, the surgery had sent me a link to arrange a colonoscopy appointment online, and one of the few things I did manage to do was fix that appointment for the first available slot on 3 April. Plans for my second InterRail trip were shelved then quickly abandoned as I realised I couldn’t make it work around the appointment date, but I hoped to get back on track when it was over...

Then a few days later, just as I was beginning to feel better and having dodged the Covid bullet for nearly 3 years, I tested positive for the first time since the start of the pandemic. Covid wiped me out again for another 10 days or so, but the last test was negative just in time for an appointment on 24 March for the surgery to take bloods for testing.  Then I sat back and waited for the colonoscopy appointment, little realising that it would be the first of a number of such appointments before the procedure would actually take place…

As it happened, the bowel meds for the colonoscopy did not arrive when they were supposed to, so I contacted the service provider InHealth to follow up and was told later that day that the appointment booked for 3 April would have to be cancelled/rearranged for later in the month as NICE (National Institute for Clinical Excellence) guidelines said not to carry out a colonoscopy until 6 weeks after the end of a course of antibiotics.  The new (2nd) appointment date was 26 April.  

It came as a bit of a surprise therefore when the GP phoned me on 29 March to say she was concerned about my blood test results - low haemoglobin, which explained the fatigue and high platelets, a sign of infection.  The blood loss earlier in the month could account for the former and Covid the latter, but she would fast track me (14 day referral) to bring the colonoscopy appointment forward to screen for cancer, just to be on the safe side.  The referral came through on 30 March 2023. According to the Faster Diagnosis Cancer Pathway, I should find out whether or not I had cancer within 28 days i.e. 27 April.  

InHealth contacted me shortly after the referral; my second colonoscopy appointment on 26 April was cancelled and a new 3rd appointment made for 11 April. I assumed that a suspected cancer diagnosis trumped NICE Guidelines regarding delaying the procedure until 6 weeks post-antibiotics. As they already knew about the course of antibiotics and dates, I assumed that InHealth would have said something if that was not the case.  I also assumed the GP knew about this guideline.  I was wrong on all counts.  

However, I didn’t find out until I arrived at the clinic, having gone through 3 days of low residue diet, 2 litres of vile tasting bowel medication which clears out the system, associated diarrhoea, fasting, then nil by mouth for the last couple of hours, only to be told they wouldn’t do the procedure as it was not six weeks since I’d finished the course of antibiotics. I was devastated given the fast track referral.  The endoscopy doctor said in so many words, not to worry; all my symptoms were consistent with diverticulitis, it was unlikely to be cancer especially as I felt well and my poo stick test under the national bowel cancer screening programme in February had come back negative.  The appointment was rearranged for the next available slot which was on 2 May - ironically, a week later than the date of the 2nd appointment which had been cancelled following the fast track referral. 

As I was feeling much better by then, I arranged my second InterRail trip - a week in Italy in early May visiting the Cinque Terre, five small towns strung out along the coast of the Bay of Poets, between Naples and Genoa, only accessible by train and boat. I was due to travel out the two days after the colonoscopy. As any biopsy results from the procedure wouldn’t be available for a week or so, and I was feeling tired but otherwise OK, this was too good an opportunity to miss.

In the run up to the 4th appointment on 2 May, I went through it all again - low residue diet, purging, fasting, nil by mouth - and finally had the colonoscopy, only to be told that there was a benign constriction (narrowing of the colon) which stopped the camera getting any further.  I’d have to have a CT scan to look at the rest of the large bowel.  Another delay, but it had to be done.  I was also told that they couldn’t remove any polyps found (standard practice in colonoscopies) as I was flying to Pisa two days later and the pressure in the plane cabin might cause bleeding.  Why don’t they tell people that beforehand, when fixing an appointment?

CT Scan 

The CT scan was arranged quickly for 15 May.  I booked my third InterRail trip to Scandinavia starting on 16 May, and then headed off to Italy to enjoy the distractions of the Cinque Terre, Italian food and wine, gelato, sunshine, photography, train rides and boat trips, and tried to put it out of my mind for a bit.

The CT scan on 15 May appeared to go off without a hitch.  I double checked that I could fly the next day (not a problem) and was told to contact the In Health doctor if I hadn’t heard anything in 7-10 days.  Then I left and headed off to Denmark to start my third and final InterRail trip and make the most of my rail pass before it expired on 23 May.

The bad news

I was in Copenhagen when the bad news came on Friday 19 May.  I had ignored several calls during the day from a unknown caller (having had a recent flurry of scam calls) but answered the final call as the code came up as Witney, where the colonoscopy had taken place.  It was the InHealth doctor who, after a few enquiries as to where I was and whether anyone was with me, advised that CT scan showed a “mass” in part of the colon the colonoscopy camera could not reach due to the stricture.  I had bowel cancer.

It took me back immediately to Steve’s diagnosis of mesothelioma, shortly after we had started our grown up’s gap year traveling.  How ironic that my diagnosis came as I was embracing my inner teenager and traveling round Europe by train.  To find out what happened next, you’ll have to wait until I’ve written next blog post…

7 years on...a letter to Steve

When you loose a loved one the day after St Valentines Day, you never forget the date of their death.  The reminders come thick and fast, with every pink heart, every red rose, every "Valentines Day Special" offer online, and in the real world. At least I still have the last Valentines card you made for me the day before you died, with its poignant message that love does not fade away...

...and here we are, seven years on since that fateful day.  

There is still a Steve-shaped hole in my life, but slowly, slowly, it's being overlaid with memories of things that have happened since you left us and hopes for the future.  

So what has happened since this time last year? 

Covid is still with us, but life has resumed a "new normal" with the world opening up again and many people shifting to a hybrid way of working, a mix of working from home and going into the office.  

I have enjoyed traveling abroad again, with two visits to Spain, a short break in Athens with our son and his lady, and a few solo days in Paris, a rail-based tour of several German cities, a group photographic holiday on Scotland's North Coast 500 route and a meet up in Italy (Venice and Milan) with photography friends from my 2019 Ethiopia trip.  I've also managed to meet up with some UK based friends, but there's still a backlog of people I'd like to see after a couple of years of lockdowns on and off...Hopefully, there will be more opportunities to catch up this year.

On the professional front, I've finally retired from the world of town planning (for the third time) and I've never been busier...I've been enjoying photography, had images exhibited and awarded and took part in a panel discussion on The Female Gaze at the prestigious Photo London event at Somerset House!

I've even managed to fit in a bathroom renovation at home.  I think you would approve of the design 😊 

Both of our grown up children are thriving and happy.  After spending much of lockdown with me, our son is now back in London with his lady, and they are hoping to move a bit closer to me here in Oxford in the not too distant future.  Our daughter and her husband have turned their "doer upper" of a house into a beautiful gem of a home, and it's great to have then within walking distance.  I enjoy dog sitting for them, from time to time!

The bad news is that your brother has now been diagnosed with mesothelioma, the cancer caused by exposure to asbestos which cut short your life.  However, he is having immunotherapy (which was being clinically trialled when you were being treated) and that has proved very successful at helping people with mesothelioma live significantly longer with good quality of life, so that's a positive development. However, a father and now both sons being diagnosed with the same relatively rare from of cancer reinforces that there is a genetic susceptibility to developing mesothelioma when exposed to asbestos, so I have drummed it into our kids NEVER to take chances, whatever anyone says...

What of the future?  Well, I'm off on my travels again shortly, camera in hand, feeding the wanderlust, and there are some other exciting things to look forward to if all goes to plan. More of that maybe, next year...

Lastly, did you know you are famous?  Someone is selling photos of you and us on eBay, taken from old newspapers. Luckily, I don't need to buy them as I have the originals.  But it's funny to look back on our younger selves, with no idea what the future holds.  If nothing else, it reinforces my view that we should make the most of our lives and be kind to people.  And that's what I try to do...

Until next year xxx

6 years on - a birthday letter to Steve

Had mesothelioma not cut short your life in 2016, today we would have been celebrating your 75th birthday.  As it is, today we're marking six years since you died and tomorrow, the anniversary of your funeral when family, friends and neighbours came together to celebrate your life.  

I haven't been able to meet up with family and friends much these last two years due to the Covid-19 pandemic which effectively closed down the world for a lot of the time. Barriers came up between countries and "stay at home" and "self-isolate" instructions were issued within countries.  

Two years on and Coronavirus is still with us.  However, it feels like life is adapting to a new normal and that is largely due to the roll out of vaccines, one of which was developed here in Oxford on the same medical campus where you took part in so many clinical trials for mesothelioma.  How wonderful is that?  

Double jabbed and boosted (but taking sensible precautions like mask wearing where appropriate and washing/sanitising hands as and when necessary) I started venturing out into the big wide world last autumn.  Initially visiting places around the UK to get my photography mojo working again and enjoy a change of scenery, and more recently to Spain when the opportunity came up to stay in a place I have long wanted to visit - the Muralla Roja (Red Wall) in Calpe where we visited together many years ago.  

I think you would have loved Muralla Roja as much as I did. The place lends itself to the sort of graphic images you created!  Inspired by you, I'm hoping to produce a set of prints myself, based on the architectural abstract images I took while I was there...

While in the area, I wandered round Calpe old town exploring the narrow streets and historic buildings.  Emerging from a narrow passage and turning a corner, I found myself in a small square, bounded by the whitewashed walls of a church, with a couple of tall cypress trees reaching up into the blue sky and a bench lit up by a shaft of sunlight.  And I was transported back in time.  We had sat on that bench many years ago to rest our feet and drink water.  I can remember you taking some photos of the cypress trees against the whitewashed walls and blue sky.  You made one of those photos into a greetings card; I still have one.

I must admit, I had one of those moments...sitting on the bench alone where I had sat with you many years ago.  The tears welled up and I was glad to be wearing sunglasses!  But it was lovely to experience such a happy memory, so vividly.

All being well, I'll be traveling again soon to Paris, Athens and Andalusia in the spring, and a photography road trip along Scotland's North Coast 500 in the autumn.  And I hope very much, in between these trips abroad, to visit family and friends in the UK that I haven't seen in person since lockdown started in 2020.  Lots of catching up to do, covid and wars permitting...

In other news, our son Jack is still living here with me for the time being - what we thought would be a short temporary arrangement in the first lockdown has gone on much longer than anticipated...but he'll be moving on soon, back to London to live with his fiancé, Laura.  Yep!  You read that right - he's engaged!  It's been a delight to welcome Laura into the family.  I know you would have got on well.  So sad you will never meet each other, but so happy for both of them!

Our daughter Katie and husband Davie have moved back to Oxford and now live within walking distance, close enough to meet up easily/be around if needed, but far away enough to be independent.  Perfect!  You would be proud of all the work they have put into doing up their new house - it looks great. Katie has certainly inherited your design skills. 

As for me...after "retiring" twice already, I'm going to do it again at the end of this year - finally leaving the planning profession as I step down from the Guernsey Planning Panel in December.  Time for some new blood for the Panel I think, and a new challenge for me, maybe...

...After 15 months or so of letting my camera gather dust, I picked it up again in earnest as I started traveling last autumn.  My photographs have been well received where I've shared them, been published and awarded on 1x.com, received a special mention in the Travel Photographer of the Year Competition and been featured in this month's edition of X-posure Photography magazine which is devoted to female photographers..

As I write, it's just under a week until the launch of Shot By Women, an image library which promotes the female gaze in the world of editorial and commercial photography.  I've signed up as a contributor and was thrilled to be one of their featured photographers recently, promoting the launch of the platform.  

How it all pans out, we'll just have to wait and see...but it's exciting to be in at the start of something different and a bit special!

Last but not least, our memorial to you...We thought you should be remembered with an artwork of some description and ended up choosing to contribute to a "human sundial" to be installed at Osney Lock Hydro, a green energy scheme on the  Thames near where we live, that we both supported. The sundial is a set of mosaic numbers and pictures of local wildlife set into the ground in front of the Hydro building.  The "hand" of the sundial is made by someone standing on a central mosaic platform so that their shadow points to one of the numbers to tell the time.  

It's a beautiful original artwork that will eventually be accessible to the public.  I was invited to get involved with the central platform where the human stands to cast a shadow.  I helped the mosaic artist with the design which centred on a depiction of the sun and also cut, laid and stuck the first piece of tile in the centre of the sun. I'm not sure whether I was a help or a hindrance (it's not something I'd done before!) but I was invited to return for a few more sessions working on the central platform, so hopefully I improved as I went along.  

All the mosaic panels are now completed and installed, and we're waiting for a date for the grand opening which had been postponed due to the pandemic.  Maybe next year I can share a photo to show the sundial in action!  For now, here's a couple of iPhone shots of the work in progress and in situ.  I do hope you think it a fitting way to remember you.  

Until next year, all being well xx